I'm Sorry If…That Was Me….

Love these little sweethearts!

As 32 is fast approaching (yikes), I appreciate the life experiences and people who have helped me along the way. I watch Samuel observe people and take in situations, and conversations. I hope I'm a little more subtle without the gawking and jaw dropping antics he displays. This post has been on my heart for awhile, and I am so thankful for situations I've worked through, God's grace, and the people who are in my life.

This post is for people who I have watched go through trials and tribulations, only to find years later, that many of these situations would be me.

I'm sorry if  as I saw you running, I mumbled something less than kind under my breath. Scoffing at your pace and how painful it looked for you to put one foot in front of the other. Thinking, ugh I hope I never run that slow…..

That was me….. after I had Samuel, after I had Jonah. Clumsily trying to regain my footing as a runner, post-baby. One step felt like one hundred. Five minutes felt like fifty. Hurting knees, joints, feet, chest, ego. Something I once loved, became a daunting task.

"Keep going; it will get easier."

I'm sorry if I downplayed the loss you experienced. If I turned the conversation on me as you were spilling a rawness you probably didn't even know existed until that moment someone so important to you, was gone.

That was me… nineteen and without a mom. When my whole body felt like it was drying up because I had cried out every tear in my body.

"It will get easier. Pray, rest, pray, rest. That person is always with you. It's not something you 'get over' it's something you learn to live with."

I'm sorry if you said you were going through a rough time in your marriage and I wasn't a listening ear, but said something to dismiss it.

That was me…. ring off, decision made, door closed. When the foundation of my world came crashing down. When I saw long hours at work as missed time and in me brewed a level of resentment I didn't know existed. Instead of being thankful for a hard-working and providing husband; I was done.

"Divorce is not an option." "What God has brought together, let no man separate."

I'm sorry if you said you didn't breastfeed and my reaction was anything other than supportive.

I read an article about postpartum psychosis which gave me a totally different perspective about women post-baby. Another girl I spoke with said shortly after giving birth to her son, her dad passed away and she was so stressed, she physically couldn't nurse. Who am I to form an opinion about you based on your decision to nourish your child? 

I'm sorry if I saw you at a restaurant or store with your child and he/she was crying, screaming, whining, fighting, running, (and so many other things).  I rolled my eyes, or didn't get the door, smile at you, make that moment a little easier….

You learn through your mistakes, experiences, and people. 

Thank God for forgiveness. 

"Always be kind, for everyone is fighting a hard battle." -Plato 

Mommies, friends, wives, sisters. If you are going through a tough time, keep pushing through. 

A peak is on the other side of your valley.

Talk Less, Blog More

Sooo hello sweet summer! I can't believe it is summer vacation already. It feels surreal because I wasn't there the entire year...it's really over already?! Boxes packed, papers checked, or uh..recycled, grades in, summer on! I will definitely get my taste of stay-at-hom-momism over the next few weeks, and so far so good. I constantly feel like I second guess what I'm doing with Samuel though. Should we have a structured day planned? Should I have read him one more book? Should we do flashcards? Did I refer to Samuel,Mommy, Daddy,using our names instead of pronouns b/c he doesn't understand them yet? Sheesh. Then I go on my homepage and see a mom drove with her baby on the roof of her car and I don't feel so bad about my parenting. Unless that was part of Jackass 4, that lady is a cockledoo, to quote my gf *Bethenny*. My college friend Dana created a bucket list last year in honor of her 30th birthday. I am going to do something similar, but make it more short-term, and have the duration be this summer.. so here goes.. in no particular order: 1. Read my Bible more and blog more...I am not putting a definitive amount here b/c I don't want to set myself up for failure right off the bat. Needless to say, I'm not going to count my dailybible verse that comes through on my app as sufficient. I need to do more. I also need to blog more... I have a lot to say, so if you don't want to hear it, then read it. Talk less, blog more. 2. I hopped on the organization train as of last week, and unless I get majorly derailed (pun intended) my house will be labeled, categorized, color coded, etc. Every day I will take the approach of "bettering" one area or one room. 3. Okay let's get fun now.... I really want to get my final tattoo(s) this summer. I already have one on my right foot for my mom, Philemon 1:4- "I always thank my God when I remember you in my prayers". I am so glad I got this tattoo with my friend Adam Guthrie. That is such a special memory I have with him. My other tattoo I got with Kristin and Tiffany a few years ago. Josh and I were married at the time, so I didn't want to tell him I was going to get another tattoo b/c I knew he would say, "no" and I wasn't okay with "asking" my husband for permission.. what am I Florence Knightengale (did I just make that name up)? So I surprised him at dinner with my new ink, and he asked if it was temporary (kind of offensive to the tattoo artist). I explained that each color represented our favorites... me: yellow, Kristin: purple, Tiffany: blue. He said it looked like a Steelers tattoo. I compromised and said my reasoning for the new tattoo was twofold. :) The sides and locations of my tattoos are purposeful, well I hope that's always the case with tattoos. I like things to be even and balanced. So after tattoo # 1 was on my right foot, tattoo # 2 had to be on the left. Tattoo # 3 will be a huge cross in the middle of my back. Not sure yet on style, size, color, etc. but I have a few ideas. I would also like to get something in my mom's handwriting added to tattoo # 1 on my foot. 4. Be a good auntie to my niece, Elin. She is beyond sweet...so small, precious, and perfect. A gift from God...<3 her. 5. Be okay with self-actualization. The older I get, the more I discover about myself; the good, the bad, the Fugly. Yes that f is necessary... sometimes I catch myself and I think, ugh that's what annoys me about my dad, or what my mom used to do, and now I'm doing it. I'm annoyed with myself for something that annoys me about them, what gives? Something else I realized is I wait until things spiral out of control to take care of them. Examples: my hair in regards to washing and cutting, Samuel's toys at the end of the day, my disorganization. I'm glad I am aware of what I do, but I need to do things better. Speaking of Samuel is crying...more later xoxo