Stay at home.....teacher?

Whoa what a trip the last four months have been... and I'm sure will continue to be as I learn what to do, and not do in motherhood. I've definitely learned a lot about myself, Josh, and the whole dynamic of becoming parents. I don't think my maternity leave went fast, there were some looonnnggg days, and nights. I don't say that with disdain, because I would not trade a sleepless night for anything, okay maybe a spray tan, but I digress.

How can this sweet little bundle of joy not even know me and love me so much? He doesn't know that I speed, interrupt people, make comments under my breath ahem, critical ones, procrastinate, so many of my faults, he has no concept of, (and hopefully doesn't inherit), yet he smiles and coos and is just content to be in my presence. What a miracle sweet Samuel, and any baby for that matter, is.

I make one UGLY stay-at-home mom. There have been days I look in the mirror and scare myself. Matted feathers, dayS old mascara, hairy l... well not only legs, hairy everything. Oh my, oh my. If I brushed my hair before Josh came home on certain days, he was lucky. I would stumble to give him a hug as he came in the door, with a breast pump in one hand, and boob, figuratively speaking, and a burp cloth in the other. He would kiss my cheek far enough to my ear b/c he knew my pearly whites smelled anything but minty.

What a transition I am facing as I am re-entering the work force. I could easily watch the boob tube (see there is a correlation between breastfeeding and watching tv. I mean you can't look at your baby or read every time) from 8-1 everyday. I start with Good Morning America/Today show, depending on the topics. No Matt Lauer, I don't care where in the world you are this week, so GMA has been my pick. Then we have Regis and Kelly at 9. Once I see what Kelly is wearing, and a good bicep flex from her (awkward), and hear a senile remark from Rege (ugh those critical comments), I flip to more GMA. Next we have Ellen, LOVE! She is hilarious. 11-1 is a little sketchy between Whoopi, Nate Burkus and the Doctors. All similar in entertainment, also all with the same level of mediocrity. Now instead of zoning out in front of the tv on my lazy mornings, I'll have students zoning out on me. I know this is what has to be done, but maybe in the future, say baby # 4... I may just be able to be a stay-at-home mom for good. :)

Mean Face

I wasn’t really sure what to expect post baby in regards to my body. I read this horrifying article in a baby magazine where a girl described her post baby body as a mean face. Her boobs were the eyes, her mangled belly button was the nose, and her c-section scar was the mean smile. When I lifted my shirt and looked in the mirror for the first time after Samuel was delivered, unfortunately that article came to mind. I got a kick out of my beer belly of America for awhile, until all that “brew” wasn’t going down as quickly as I’d thought. Yes I did lose a lot of the weight quickly, and I’m thankful for that, but the little “apron” as my grandma calls it, is very unforgiving in clothing. Crunches/ab workouts have always been my downfall at the gym; I used to leave them until the end, and usually a measly 25 reps was all I got in due to how tired I was from working out. Also, guys at the gym would make very disturbing noises when crunching, situping, etc. so that was enough for me to bypass the area. I guess now I’m going to have to make an effort to start with abs, end with abs, heck, even just go to the gym to do an entire hour of abs!

There are times where I look at Samuel and think, how shallow am I to worry about extra skin on my stomach, when this beautiful miracle was the result? Then, in my shallow moments, I see all of my thin friends and think, ugh, I’m sucking in, and can people still see the extra skin that’s there? Can people also tell that my pants aren’t buttoned or zipped up the whole way? I guess until it’s gone, or at least back to some semblance of abs, it will be a work in progress. I know it takes time, and that’s one thing I have. Now I just need the patience and dedication to work off this flabulosity, so I can be fabulosity! :)

Baby News!

So I was welcomed into the world of motherhood by sweet Samuel 4 weeks ago. It's so hard to believe I'm a parent! The same stresses, joys, happiness, and anger that my parents experienced with me, I will have with Samuel, and I'm looking forward to every minute of it! Now that pregnancy is behind me, and motherhood is ahead, I thought I'd make a few lists of things that have helped, shocked, and preoccupied me for the last few months.

Top Five Moments of Pregnancy:
(In no particular order)
5- Feeling Samuel kick, have hiccups, and move around for the first time
4- Going to the gym the day before I was due, having people ask me when I was due, telling them "tomorrow" and the look on their face. What am I supposed to do people, just WAIT for my water to break?
3- Constantly having dreams about my grandfather and friend Adam
2- Finding out we were having a boy, and telling our families
1- Hitting a woman on Route 30 and then driving away, so yes I'll say it, a hit and run. She eventually caught up to me on the road, as I was pulling into an apartment complex. I told her that I was going to get my registration card b/c I had forgotten it at home, and I was planning on coming back to the McDonald's where she had pulled over. Thank goodness she didn't wait for me to go into my apartment, she peeled out faster than Usain Bolt in the 100 meter dash.

The Weirdest thing someone said to me being pregnant: "Is it weird that you have a penis inside of you at all times?" I was not going to dignify this with a response, I mean REALLY person that I will not say your name b/c I'm embarrassed for you. I sweetly said back,"What's weirder is when there are two inside of me."

The 2nd weirdest thing someone said to me....
Old woman at gym: "Honey, where are you delivering?"
Me: "Westmoreland"
Owag: "Oh no, my husband died there."
Me: "Hopefully I'll have better luck."

WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE?

I wish people would have told me....

-Labor is a beast. I look at women with kids completely different now. They are heroes. Warriors. Tough.
-To write down baby brain blunders, they are ridic.
-Tummy after baby is like white trash, beer drinking USA, you have to have a sense of humor about it.
-Breastfeeding isn't physically challenging, but more exhausting. Some days I think 90% of my day I breastfed, and 10% involved changing diapers.


Top 5 things I COULD NOT live without for the first month:
1. A supportive husband, but that goes without saying. That is tied for first with a Boppy.
2. Crib saver sheets. Samuel managed to spit up and pee everywhere, but they did save some of the crib sheet.
3. The "What To Expect" trilogy.... these books are amazing and are definitely worthy of the same accolades as Lord of the Rings or Star Wars or any other trilogy of that caliber.
4. My belly band sucker inner thing. I don't think it did one lick to reduce my white trash, beer drinking, belly but I like to think it helped some.
5. My sweet son Samuel

Obligations

I really don't like the feeling of having to invite someone to a shower, wedding, party, etc., out of obligation. I guess I'm experiencing this in terms of my upcoming baby shower. There are certain people who frankly, will never hold Samuel, I don't want them holding Samuel, and probably don't even know I'm naming him Samuel, yet I feel obligated to invite them to my shower. It's such a weird feeling because on one hand, I don't want to offend people, but on the other, why be fake and invite someone who could care less that they are even at the event? Inviting them would be easier I suppose, because the only repercussions I would hear about was that they didn't get vanilla cake, but instead ice cream cake, as opposed to backlash I would hear or feel for years... ugh decisions, decisions..

What is the hue of hormones?

Three instances stand out to me as far as being hormonal throughout the pregnancy. I don't know if I'm just not suppressing the things that come out of my mouth, or if because I'm pregnant I think I'm invincible and my words won't sound as stinging. Either way, I've been on the verge of crazy, so of course I have to share....

Exhibit A: I had a doctor's appointment and wanted to eat at Panera. I was by myself, and for some reason the smell of the bread bowls cooking and the bagels baking is something I can handle solo. Maybe panera in another language means solitude? Anyways, as I'm enjoying my quiet lunch, the women next to me were talking about very inappropriate things. Now, I'm sure if I were with my girlfriends, our conversation would possibly lead to such things, but c'mon people Samuel doesn't have earmuffs in the womb. So all of a sudden woman # 1 says to # 2, "Thank you so much for meeting me here, I can't imagine eating by myself." The nerve! Did this broad know I was in earshot? Of course! Did she know my hearing is extra sensory Superwomanlike due to baby? Most likely no because my belly was neatly tucked into the folds of my bursting Forever 21 coat. Feeling remorse, # 1 said to # 2, "Do you think she heard me?" This is the point I wish I could have frozen, like sometimes in movies when they are deciding on something important, they freeze and tell you what both sides of a possible outcome could be. I decided the best thing was to stand up for myself, heck, for all people who eat by themselves. I walked over to #1 and #2 and said, "I'm sorry if you think I'm weird because I just ate by myself!" I gave her my deepest glare I could as Samuel (or my soup) was doing flips in my stomach. I received some pretty nasty stares from onlookers, but hey people, I had to speak my mind.

That's all for this post... I don't want you to get the wrong impression :)