#thestruggleisreal

     It's hard to believe I've been a mom of two for four months. What a crazy ride it has been so far. There are times when I'm in Giant Eagle, and I stop and think, "I'm doing it, I can't believe I'm doing it." What I mean by "doing" is that both kids are content, I still have a little room between a baby and toddler to squeeze some groceries, I have a list and it's in my hand, and I actually know where my debit card is located. #crapwhereismyadvantagecard 
     If you asked me in the summer if this would be possible pre-Jonah, I would have laughed. Also, the fact I can nurse Jonah and prepare Samuel dinner at the same time brings new meaning to "multi-tasking"... I'm able to feed Jonah in the middle of the night, throw together an overnight casserole, pump, then go back to sleep until the next feeding, and somehow function the next day with the interrupted/deprived sleep state I'm finding myself in these days really is something. #nottotootmyownhorn 
     I feel blessed to have the opportunity to have done the stay-at-home-mom thing for an extended maternity leave, and now the time is here to squeeze into pants without an elastic waist(insert sad emoji) and put on my working mom hat. There is so much debate and discussion about what's easier? When Jonah cried literally day and night for the first 8 weeks, what I wouldn't give at times to be away, and back in the classroom, with adult interaction.. anywhere from a 24/7 fussy child. But now that he is content and giggling, Samuel attached to my leg in the morning, what I wouldn't give to crawl back into bed with my babies and talk about what adventures we will do that day as a family. It's all tough on different days and for different reasons. 
      My two biggest struggles with working + mom are: the working out thang, and knowing the conversations and random stuff I miss while I'm working b/c having a toddler is a blast. #onmostdays

Working out these days looks like this…..

Well, actually, like this: 

When I ask Samuel if I can borrow one of his weights, he says no, he's busy exercising. So, I do push-ups or something else until he is onto the next thing. Then Jonah wakes up from his cat nap, and my work out is at a halt for the moment. 

I've made some progress from this. It would be an adorable picture if Jonah was still in my belly. This is what a fresh after-belly baby looks like… Hoping the headband distracts a little from the cone shaped weirdness of my stomach. 

As long as I keep feeling stronger mentally and physically each month from working out; I'm satisfied. If I get discouraged, I refer to this picture and say, well, at least I'm making progress. I will not enter a race until I think I can be competitive but it helps me set a goal, so I'm hoping this spring I feel ready for a 5K time I can be proud of. 

The second thing that makes me sad, is that I would've missed out on this little guy:

     Samuel found this ghost in his stroller and was so excited to carry it around with him all day. He got it from a Halloween treat bag, and couldn't be happier to be reunited with "Ghost". #theoriginalityisastounding ….So we went to BabiesRUs to buy organic baby food for Jonah b/c I didn't see any at Giant Eagle, so I couldn't scratch it off my list. Jonah had to eat, and we were making our way to the nursing mother's room. On our way, I allowed Samuel to choose 2 books I could read to him while I was feeding Jonah. He chose a princess book #naturally and a Toy Story book. As we settled onto the couch in the room, there was another mother feeding her baby across from us. A few pages into Snow White, and a few questions about the lady directly across from us #awkward, Samuel realized "Ghost" was nowhere to be found. To set the scene more accurately… we had been at the mall since 11 that morning, had not napped, etc. I knew that "Ghost" missing in this moment was more catastrophic than a typical day. So I had to unlatch Jonah, and retrace our steps out the door. We did not find "Ghost" and Jonah still had to eat on the other side #nursingmomprobs 

     As we sat back on the couch, Samuel was okay if we read another princess story, and I promised we would walk through the entire store and ask the workers until we found him. As we left the room, I prayed… PLEASE Lord, let us find Ghost for Samuel. A short and sweet prayer for my little boy. We went back to where we grabbed the two books and we found the little guy just laying in the middle of the aisle. #godanswersevensmallprayerspeople 

     This is just one example of so many lessons I could teach Samuel from this BabiesRUs trip… be responsible with things, God is good, pray in all circumstances, and about asking appropriate questions not in front of the person lol. #allinadayswork    #blessed