Friday, May 15, 2015

Pumping Sucks

Since most of the last few months have revolved around boobs, I want to keep it going with this post. While juggling everything and everyone on my plate, I also juggle a little one on my boobs. I am a food source to little baby Jonah, and hope to be for the next few months, #milkwilling. It fascinates me to look at my baby boy and think my body can create the nutrients he needs to sustain life. As beneficial and amazing as nursing is, Tina Fey said it best with, "Pumping sucks."

Carrying "Patty the Pump" with me every day has been a routine since going back after maternity leave. Assessing all of my work stuff, it's always, "Patty, work bag, lunch, and water." Patty is my passenger to and from work, and her favorite color is black. After work it's a race against time as she has to be chilled from her 98.6 degree temp. I feel like I'm carrying a heart or other organ in a cooler as I race home to pop em' bottles  pop the bottles, I mean… in the fridge.

Pumping, boobs, and E-cards…what do they all have in common? Well, the start to a pretty awkward conversation/relationship with my boss this year.

Flashback to Christmas time… I'm trying to find the usual Office calendar I buy my dad every year. The past two years have been a collaboration of "funniest" lines from the show. I guess they had to stop production some time, since there are no new episodes, and 2015 was the year. E-cards on social media are pretty funny. Appropriate enough for a dad gift, but inappropriate enough to replace the Office calendar and be comical.

So.. having a new boss this year, and with his reference of loving "The Office" and "Seinfeld", I also thought this was a good choice for a "Welcome to our Building" "Merry Christmas from sweet little old me" gift.

I called my dad after the new year to chat, January 3rd actually. "The calendar you bought me is a little risqué, you know."  #dropthephone   I just about fainted as my dad read the sweet little message on the calendar:

Not only is my dad reading this over the phone, #awkward but my BOSS is reading this on January 3rd, thinking I'm some weirdo for buying him this weird calendar gift #uberawkward

So, it is now after Christmas break and we are back at work. Every morning when I wake up, I think, oh no, what does the calendar read today?  Well, another January beauty was:

I knew I had to say something, ANYTHING, to address this horrible gift I bought. Here I am, trying to be nice, and it totally backfired, and on the back burner is the thought of my dad reading these too… #ugh

I saw boss in the hall one day and he screamed, "Natalie!"  Oh geez, here it is, my time to apologize.
He was very discrete and said, "The room upstairs is available to use if you need." AKA, we just had a one second convo about my pumping room…aka…boobs. Why did he remember to tell me this? #ecardcalendar

A week later I saw him again, bit the bullet and said super awkwardly, "Yah, so this may feel like an Office moment, the conversation that is about to ensue, (insert awkward silence, laughter, probably a boob sound)." Then I went on to explain the calendar I usually get my dad, and how he told me some of the jokes and I feel so bad and maybe to just throw it away (insert more awkwardness).
"That's okay, my wife and I just put it in our bedroom, away from the kids."

A month later, I was in his office talking about a workshop (missing my pumping time) and after leaving his office (and talking about Jonah with him), I thought the water bottle I was holding had leaked on the bottom of my shirt. Upon looking down, I looked something like this:

                         Except it was both boobs, and running the whole way down my shirt.

Lessons learned:    Choose boss gifts more carefully, wear pads because you WILL leak, and keep nursing…it's totes worth it. :)

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