Perspective

I've always thought optical illusion pictures were very interesting. 

Take this one for example:

Every time I've seen this picture, I notice the girl looking away from the camera with a babushka type garment on her head. But, other people see the older woman with her face down in her coat. What do you see first? 

The other day, I stumbled across this cover from a Disney classic….  and what was either a coincidence, or a sneaky cartoonist behind the scenes.

Who knew for so many years as I stared into Mufasa's face, I was possibly staring into some stranger's butt cheeks? What you see depends on how you look at something, or someone, in this example.

I've been thinking about perspective with being a mom, and a woman, and just in general. How I see something, or someone may be completely different than another person. What I think is right, may not be in someone's eyes. I may use completely different styles to parent, organize, clean, prioritize, etc. It doesn't make one right and one wrong, it just is.

I used to think that one of the biggest parenting mistakes I've made (to date) has been to lay with Samuel every night at bedtime. When this first started I dreaded bedtime. "Here it is again," I thought, "another long night where I don't get to do what I want in the evening because of this long process." Bedtime should be "me" time. I've given my all to this kid all day, he should just go to bed, that's it.

But, I changed my perspective….

This parenting "fail" started the first night he had to sleep in his big boy bunk bed. The crib was no longer an option because it was disassembled on the floor when we moved a few summers ago. "I'm scared, please lay with me," he said. How can you say no to that little voice? Josh and I took turns the first week or so, who would comfort Samuel in this new bunk bed to make him feel okay. This wasn't five minutes of comforting. This was anywhere from five minutes to over an hour, depending on how long it took him to fall asleep. It felt like a waste of an evening. It felt like we were losing/had lost a part of parenting, and the same loss would come again….the following night.

We both felt frustration and torn that we were doing something right to comfort our little boy, but wrong because we were giving in, not being firm with bedtime. So for the past, um, 2 years, every nap, every night, this is the routine. Two books, prayers, bed, MacGyver style moves getting up without waking Samuel. This is especially hard while nursing. This is even harder when you are getting out of the top bunk and nursing, while trying not to wake your toddler, or baby. I feel like I can take on the world after I close his door and both kids are sleeping, even if one is hanging off my boob.

We've accepted that this is our bedtime routine. Some may disagree, some agree. Some parents let their kids in bed with them, some close their kid's door at night, and that's that. I'm not judging what anyone chooses to do. This works for us. If you asked me a few years ago, I'd probably sigh and describe bedtime as a "nightmare" and "not fair," but it's actually okay now.

I knew my perspective had to change. Even though I'm a SuperNanny fan, I don't have it in me to do a Ferber-ish method of going in his room at spaced out time intervals, until eventually he gives in and sleeps. I'm sure if we did that for a week, this routine would change, and he wouldn't "need" us to comfort him to go to sleep. I don't judge anyone who uses this method or is a stickler on bedtime. To each their own, to each perspective to be changed, your call.

What helped me change my thinking was…..

Anytime I needed my mom to lay with me if I was scared, she did.

This won't last forever.

It's nice to recap the day and talk about our favorite things from the day. 

The conversations and comments he makes to extend the night even more, are hilarious, even when I'm exhausted. 

Before, I felt by admitting this is our routine at night, we "gave in" at bedtime, I was admitting I failed in (one aspect of) the parenting world. I'm okay to mess certain things up, but with kids, this is one thing I want to get as right as I can.

But, I'm finding that everyone sees things a little differently, and shares their own perspective. What are your thoughts on how you used to see something one way, and now you've changed?

Wonder what he would say?